*I* don't see how anyone can look at him and not think so. But I have recently realized something. This could, of course, be a 'no duh' to some of you.
A) Looking back over my life, I have realized that every time I have truly fallen in love, the man has turned out to be gay. I certainly didn't go looking for that. I wanted to have a man to love *me*, to get married and build a life together. So why did I always pick men with whom that wasn't going to happen?
B) There are women who always pick abusers. Some people think that they want to be abused, but I know that isn't the case. 'Laura' asked me, many years ago, what I thought of the man she was about to go out on a date with. I had just stopped by and briefly talked with this man while she prepared for her date. I said, "He's all right I guess, but he looks violent to me." She replied, "Oh, not this one!" On that first date, she got out of the car in the middle of nowhere and walked home because he had scared her so badly. Why was she so accurate at always picking an abuser?
C) "Although I haven't heard the term much for years, people used to laugh at a toddler's flirting, saying, "S/He knows what sex s/he's opposite!" How? How can they know? In an age of unisex clothing and unisex hairstyles, how do they still know? Where is the sign that says, "I have a penis" or "I have a vagina"?
D) Some people are always drawn to the macho guy, or the intellectual, or the macho girl, or the helpless girl. I have discovered (and it amazes me) that most straight men feel *some* kind of attraction for any feminine woman, fat, skinny, straight-as-a-board or curvy. Why?
E) On the same note, there is a man who sings in the Buffalo Gay Men's Chorus who is really almost ugly, and yet I find he holds a fascination for me. I watch him a lot when they are singing. Why?
Well, the last 'Why' is the one I have found the easiest to answer: just because he is *sooo* gay.
1) Is it possible that (A) I am always drawn to gay men because of the way they move?
2) Can it be that (B) women abused by their fathers only see a man as "masculine" (like their father) when he is in fact an abuser?
3) Do children (C) perceive something about the way their parents (and other adults) move that triggers their perception of the adult's sexuality?
4) Can it be that people actually choose the partner that turns them on (D) based primarily on how they move?
Re: #4 - After my husband and I (recently) began to work out some serious problems we had been having, I said that I never initiated sex because I had gotten so fat and didn't see how I could be desirable to him. He told me that didn't matter. "It's the presentation." Unfortunately, he has not enlightened me whether he likes me to be flirty/sexy or demanding/domineering. (Sex life has improved, though.)
Re: #3 - It's an old truism that girls 'marry their father' and boys 'marry their mother'. Is it really surprising that if (2) girls only see a man similar to their father as being the opposite sex to be attracted to, then a child must be seeing something in the movements and actions of their parents which solidifies that concept?
(I should also mention that I realize that not everyone is attracted to someone who is like their parent. I myself am not. I hold a lot of love and respect for my father, but he is not the type I'm attracted to.)
And #1 - I should point out that I am not attracted to *all* gay men. A pair of hips going by gives a certain twitch and has my instant attention. But while Michael trips my trigger, his partner Dave does not. Neither of Peter or Mark does. Though I like the personalities of *all* of them and greatly enjoy talking with them. But there is something in the way they walk that determines whether or not my subconscious sex-drive sees them as my opposite sex. And incidentally, many gay men have been attracted to me. Although not since acquiring the arthritis - which of course changes the way I walk.
Is that the essence of 'gaydar' - that you know you are attracted to gays and you are attracted to person x, so you can fairly safely conclude that x is gay?
I think so. At least for me.
Last night I was watching a movie, and a young man of approximately Elijah's build and coloring, wearing clothing typical of EW and a messenger bag, was walking away from the camera. There was that flash of recognition as I zeroed in to see whether or not it was indeed him, but the recognition was gone more quickly than it appeared. It was instantly apparent that he was not, just because of the way he walked.
Anyhow, on the basis of my conclusions: Yep. I find Jared Leto attractive. Therefore, I believe he's gay.