But my daughter made a post last night, on her journal, that had me crying with how beautiful it is, and how proud I am of her.
I'm going to post it in it's entirety. There will be references in it that puzzle you, I am absolutely certain. Feel free to comment about them if you wish, but I will not debate anything 'religious'. I'm not in the business of converting anyone to anything; and you're certainly not going to convert me!
Other comments; yeah, I love basking in praise, and if I didn't believe this 'essay' to be praiseworthy, I wouldn't be posting it. If you think it's stupid, ill advised, shocking, or certifiable - well, I guess you're free to express your opinion, but you aren't going to change mine.
Raederle on Love and Committment
Never did I dream that this was possible.
When I finally made up my mind to leave Tre, I thought to myself that I was giving up having multiple orgasms, that I was giving up being so attracted to a man, that I was giving up having a man with qualities of a woman in his body and mind. I thought I was giving up strength and undying loyalty. I thought I was giving up having a man of talent and a future.
When Jeremy left me I thought I would never know another man who could make me smile and laugh the same way. I thought I had lost any hope of someone understanding me. I thought I would never again be in love with someone's energy so strongly. I thought I would never have someone again to talk to for hours and hours on end. I never thought I would again be able to resolve every problem before the night ended. I thought I had lost all hope of being truly happy again.
I never thought I'd get to be with an artist. I never thought I'd have the privilege of learning from an artist better than myself.
I never thought I'd get to be with someone capable of converting to my beliefs about karma, reincarnation, the Annunaki, Satma, energies, reiki, tarot, Marduk, The Great Pyramids, Shumer, and the oldest meanings of the bible, the book of the dead, Moses and Jesus himself.
I never thought I would find someone who had felt heart break the way I did: sudden and out of place, with a deep emptiness to follow that would take over a year or more to fully recover.
I never dreamed that the answer was not in the Prince upon a white horse, not in the knight upon a black one, but the artist upon a stool, alone, edging on being a hermit determined to master his technique.
Corvier is my artist of focused talent and skill. He is my lover of fantasy and waves of orgasms. He is one who understands the meaning of being alone, and the comfort of love. He's my prince of unique beauty, and my knight of deep understanding, but most importantly he is an artist of being able to relate.
He is not my other half, but me myself at many ages put together. He is the determined and dreaming artist I was freshmen year. He is the hurt child I was when Jeremy left me. He is the cold solitude I felt in fourth and fifth grade. He is the maturity I have yet to reach. He is the open eyes and open mind that I am now, and forever will be. He is the humble person I am deep inside, covered with fear of not being good enough. He is the lost person who cannot understand or deal with one's emotions as I was before I understood that what I needed and wanted was true love.
He's not just my equal, not just my other half, not just my artist, not just my lover. He is the expression of a part of me that was never all put together at once.
He is the talent that I have never harvested. He has the inner eye and outer hands to create that which I cannot ever make leave the depths of my mind.
Corvier is the freedom of the word 'whatever' and the confinement of buried emotion that I have tried so hard to escape and not give in to. He is the acceptance of society, but the underlying understanding of it's flaws; of the wise man I wish to be.
Corvier is the outspoken name of outspoken words that braves the world of dishonestly and trickery with unwavering morals of self conduct.
He is the hidden fantasy that is not ashamed or quiet. He is someone to walk a path less traveled by with me, and with me to travel a path hardly ever walked before.
He is loyalty, and happiness for me and to me. He is my understanding, craving student, and my firm and wise teacher. He is my proof of truth and joy on this plane. He is my proof that I am not alone, and never will be again.
Corvier is hours of conversation on topics previously left unspoken and unheard. He is a man of goals and a future, of dignity and self preservation.
He is strength of mind, though denial of emotion. He is slow acceptance that comes with due skepticism. He is the one that knows when things are too good to be true, and is the first to question a story that is illogical because it lacks all the information.
He is the pride of a man, but the logic and understanding of a woman. He's got sexy hips and anime bone structure to display this truth to me through my eyes.
Corvier has the lust of a young boy, but the experience of an old man. He has the need of a teenager just beginning puberty, but the patience and care of a long time lover.
He knows the importance of affection, and the beauty of a soft touch. He knows the compassion of making love, and yet has inside him the beast I need to dominate me as the undeserving wench I am.
He knows how to treat me like a princess when I have been royal, and how to put in my place when I have been rude. He knows when I am sorry and when I am hurt, and how to hold me while I cry so that I will know I am not alone.
He knows how to smack me without hurting me, how to make love to me without boring me. He knows how to touch me without making me too hot or sweaty. He knows how to share the covers and the bed, how to hold and how to be held. He knows when to admit that he is wrong, when to back down, and when to hold his position strong.
Please Goddess Bast...
Please Ancient Totems...
Please Annunaki, Enki...
Please hear my prayer...
Never let me forget the importance of love, never let me stray into vanity and greed. Never let me forget to pay homage to those to whom it is due. Never let me stray into belief of lies.
Please let me always cherish Corvier, and give him what he needs to be contented and happy with me. Let me be the woman of his dreams, the guide of his spirit, the companion of games and laughter, the counselor to his confusion, the mother to his troubled days, the warm hand of comfort, the nourishment of water, the silk of gentle understanding, the hot snap of reality and the beauty of true love for him.
Let me find the words and actions to show how I really feel inside. Let me move with grace around him so that he will know I am to be a goddess in marriage. Let me speak with unwavering truth with him so that he will know I will be a good mother to his children. Let me honor him with my hard work and effort on a daily basis so that he will know I am strong enough to bear the burden of commitment. Let me analyze his emotions and actions clearly for what they are so that he will know I am wise and logical, worthy to grow old with and to learn from.
Most importantly Satma, Jesus...
Please let me live with the innate knowledge of An at all times. Let me learn from my own inner wisdom of my oversoul. Let me be a bearer of light, and have the sight of the future, so that I may avoid meeting a doomed fate.
Let Raederle Atara Phoenix become one with Nekita An, and let me always feel the truth in one's energy so I may not fall victim to manipulation and evil.
Let me walk beside Satma as An; on Earth, and in the Land of Light.