Taro (mother2012) wrote,
Taro
mother2012

Blah

After a whole week with no caffeine, I can't say that my body has rebounded.

I stopped it last week because it was no longer giving me that 'high' where the world looked rosy, life looked possible, and I had energy. I have also completed four days with no chocolate, two of those with no other sweet.

My hip hurts considerably less. We went to a dance at the church Friday evening. Dale danced tirelessly, Daughter burned up the floor (I'd had no idea she could dance that well!), and I put in two full dances myself. My leg muscles still hurt.

But I had to force myself to go, knowing it was good for Raederle, and for the family as a whole. I couldn't manage to force myself to go to church today, and ended up not going to the Pride parade either. I have gone and enjoyed it for many years, and feel guilty for not going, kind of like I've let Ben and some RL friends down over it, but I just couldn't face the heat and the standing, and the walking, and the parking ...

I feel like I should sleep, but I can't. I've tried to work on my story, and I just stare at the page. I've tried reading a book I picked up two weeks ago, and though it's well written, I just can't get into it. I'm even getting hot flashes again.

I've also noticed that I'm forgetting words again. And appointments. Hubby has missed two dental appointments in the last three weeks, because we just can't seem to remember. He's never forgotten before, but since his promotion, he's a bit preoccupied. I just can't remember anything at all.

This is very much like I was when I had the mental breakdown in 2002. I don't *really* think it's that bad, but I have to somehow convince people to get off my back - I cannot carry them.

Tomorrow I'll take caffeine. I hope that makes things work better.
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